Berlin – Week 6 & 7

4, Nov 2018

It’s Sunday
It has only been over a month but I somehow feel like I have known these people for a long time, and this place for a lifetime. I reconnected this week with Parham, one of the first people I talked to in university, and for some reason did not interact with as much again. And it was fun, he is a good man and quite smart, who I feel like has been unfairly ostracised, but he is doing very little to help his case. But I am not really sure if he even wants to correct it, I get the feeling he is fine with it.

But what I am definitely sure about is that I hate being the third wheel, I think everyone does. And I especially do not like it when people blame their shitty relationships on you just because you kind of interact with both of them. People are who they are, they are capable of change but will hardly make an effort to do so because the world already revolves around them.
Chemistry is a powerful thing, you might walk into a bar start talking to someone and then stop only to realise it has been hours or you might get stuck in a forced friendship with someone you have to see everyday but don’t really care for as much. In my experience the latter fizzle out but the former is forever.

I spent the Friday evening with Robyn (a woman, unlike any I have ever met before), Christopher (my partner for game mechanics class), Freddy (the human form of the words “Geek” and “German”) and Justin (he is Californian, but believes he is German). We had dinner together and then spent hours playing Mario Kart and Wii Sports. We chatted about everything and nothing, like you do, and got to know each other a little better. We are in the same class but it was the first time we hung-out outside of university you see. I like them.
And on Saturday, Tung and Hari came for a visit and we stumbled around the pool table and just ended up hanging out for a bit. I was kinda feeling gloomy so it’s good that they came, it’s always fun when we get together.

For the first week here each day was an adventure but just in a few weeks now, days have started merging into one and I can’t really tell one week from another. In one of my earlier blogs I complained about how monotonous life had become in India for the last year I was there. I fear if I don’t shake things up every so often I might end up in the same place again. But even if I do at least this time it’s a choice, my choice.

These past two weeks have drained me, not physically but emotionally.
I cried, for the first time since I moved here, and the weird part is that there was absolutely no reason, sometimes you just need to cry. No one hurt me, I am obviously not sad or depressed or homesick, I am having the time of my life. But still for some reason, last night, I just burst into tears and cried myself to sleep.

Why?
Samartha Ingle

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